My Alphabet of Gratitude...Letter R is for Raegan

Raegan is my youngest. My baby. She was a surprise, but a welcome and very loved one. When I had my first ultrasound of Raegan she had her thumb in her mouth. As I had not yet had anything to do with my Rhizokids group, I did not have any other kids to evaluate Raegan by but Megan and Easton. Both of which could never put their thumb in their mouth. I knew Raegan was going to be different, but I had no idea how different she was really going to turn out to be. When Raegan was born I was shocked. I had really expected her to be without RCDP. I had to face the harsh reality of my dreams being flushed down the potty once again. I had to grieve, which I did and I had to go through the anger again, which I did.... It was horrible and I can tell you the third time doesn't make it any easier. In a way, it makes it difficult simply because I knew what to expect this time. I knew what I was in for and I knew what was in store for Raegan. Boy, was I right in some ways and Way Wrong in others!
Raegan has taught me that no matter how hard I try I cannot fortell the future. What a lesson to learn. All my life I figured I was psychic, I mean why else would I worry about the future? I must know what is going to happen right...wrong. Raegan has taught me what true perseverence is, what it looks like, even what it can smell like. She works her little body so hard it makes me short of breath just watching her. Raegan has no problem with being assertive either. She will tell you, in no uncertain terms, exactly what she is thinking and what she wants you to do, or not do, what ever the case may be. She doesn't have to use words to communicate her feeling effectively either, just about anybody can understand her when she has something to say. I love Raegan's smile, I love her laugh. I love the way she looks at me, focuses on me, and just lights up. I love the way she searches for her Daddy when he does her special whistle. Raegan loves to be thrown into the air and hung upside down. She loves to be bounced on the bed and twirled around in circles. These simple things make her so happy and she rewards me with giggles and dimples. I enjoy kissing her cute little piggy toes and watching her smile because she enjoys the game. I adore Raegan's fierce temper. It has served her well over the last 2 years. She is a fiesty one, I pity the fool who doesn't give Raegan her way. Out of all three of my RCDP children, Raegan is the only one I am absolutely sure would reach out and slap me, pull my hair, or scratch my face if she could. Megan gets her little heart broke when she is mad, Easton wants to just run away from it all, but Raegan is like a crazed cat, claws at the ready. I really do enjoy this part of her, it gives her the drive she needs to do the things that are asked of her on a daily basis. When I want her to push with her legs and she gets so mad, she pushes...haha! Therapy has occured!
Raegan is a very demanding child. She has constant needs that must be met, and she isn't very patient. I've chosen to view this as an opportunity to really work my muscles of patience. She has given me many opportunities to do this over the last 2 years. With feedings that go on through the night, to 3am play sessions, to just plain walk me around and entertain me all night episodes, Raegan has made sure to put her Mom and Dad through them all. I couldn't think of a better person I'd rather be learning with than Raegan though. One smile and I'm melted. I think of it this way, I honestly do not know when Raegan won't need me to get up through the night with her anymore, but as long as she does, I will. I will because of the day that I'm not needed anymore. Because of the day she won't be with me anymore. Because of the day I won't have her to hold and take care of. Today, I have my angel with me. Today, I am happy to do all she needs me to do, for I know tomorrow she may be gone. My Rhizokids group has taught me that all to well. One of our precious new Rhizokids, Adalynn, passed away. She was only 4 months old. Adalynn was the latest in a list of children that is far to long. RCDP children whose mothers can no longer comfort them, can no longer pace the floors with them at night. There are some RCDP mothers who never got to even take their children home with them and have the pleasure of a restless and sleepless night with their angels to even complain about. What any of them would give to have just one night.
 Megan and Easton have taught me special things in their own unique way. Raegan has done the same. She has taught me to reach out, to go outside of my comfort zone and to speak up. She has taught me to care for myself, simply so I could have what I needed to care for her. She has taught me to work and to prioritize. Raegan has given me hope. She still sucks on her thumb to this day, she absolutely loves it unless she accidently bites her thumb, then she doesn't like it so much. She thinks it is very funny when I pop her thumb out of her mouth and say don't bite on that!
I often call Raegan my little Ray of Sunshine. That is exactly what she is. I love my Ray Ray and I am very Very grateful for her!!